


you played martyr for so long

by nonbinarywithaknife (littleboxes)



Series: dimension 20 [25]
Category: Dimension 20 (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Campaign 05: A Crown of Candy, F/F, Lazuli Rocks Lives, Love, Visions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:09:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24928951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleboxes/pseuds/nonbinarywithaknife
Summary: When Lazuli takes Caramelinda’s hands in hers and saysI love you, the words are threaded with an air of finality. In another world, Caramelinda will squeeze them tightly before she lets go, tears already brimming in her eyes. She will hold on to an increasingly dwindling hope, until Amethar returns with her wife’s body in his arms and the lack of surprise won’t cushion the grief.In this world, she squeezes her wife’s hands and doesn’t let go, and demands,What are you going to do?
Relationships: Caramelinda Rocks/Lazuli Rocks
Series: dimension 20 [25]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1706107
Comments: 6
Kudos: 37





	you played martyr for so long

**Author's Note:**

> wanting to sacrifice yourself for the ones you love because you know they're strong enough to bear it even if they have some differing opinions on that matter is a rocks family tradition  
> title is from hypocrates by marina and it's caramelinda when she's at her worst, grieving and angry at lazuli for leaving her behind even if it was for the good of the world. god. im not over caramelinda. just. She..

When Lazuli takes Caramelinda’s hands in hers and says _I love you_ , the words are threaded with an air of finality. In another world, Caramelinda will squeeze them tightly before she lets go, tears already brimming in her eyes. She will hold on to an increasingly dwindling hope, until Amethar returns with her wife’s body in his arms and the lack of surprise won’t cushion the grief. 

In this world, she squeezes her wife’s hands and doesn’t let go, and demands, _What are you going to do?_

Pain leaks into Lazuli’s eyes as she holds Caramelinda. This is not what she’d wanted their last meeting to be- had tried to cause Cara the least amount of pain posible. But she should have known better; Cara has always clung tighter the more you tried to slip away. She’s always loved that about her.

_What I must. You’ve seen this war, Cara, but you haven’t seen what I have, the pain that is to come, what the effects of this war will bring-_

Cara sets her mouth in a line and Lazuli sighs. Their arguments have always been evenly matched. Lazuli, confident and calm, always ready with a logical argument that twists and loops until you begin to argue against yourself. Cara, solid and steady, refusing to be distracted or to let go of her point until she was _understood_.

 _No, I haven't seen it, because you won’t tell me. I see how your visions pain you. You are my_ heart _, Lazuli, why do you insist on taking on this burden alone?_

Another thing Caramelinda is good at: getting to the heart of things. 

Caramelinda still holds tightly to her wrists. Lazuli doesn’t try to get free. Won’t admit to herself that she desperately wants Cara to win this argument, but the future she sees won’t allow her to do anything but her best.

_Cara... this isn’t about just me. I have to do this for my family, for our country- the loss I can prevent..._

_And what about the loss you create with your absence?_

Lazuli finds the words gone from the tip of her tongue. Her arguments and reason washed away in the face of Cara's hurt. She had reasoned that Caramelinda would be fine, taken care of in her absence. 

She has fit into their family like a missing piece. She works the court with Sapphria like she’s born to it. Walks with Citrina through the castle, discussing the philosophy and theology Lazuli finds pointless and dull at best with a passion. Rococoa admires her mind and Amethar is simply happy to have gained another sister. They would take care of her.

The loss would burn, as all losses do. But time would pass and the grief would scar, dull to an ache. 

(Nevermind that through all this thinking, Lazuli knows if their places were reversed, she wouldn’t be able to live without Cara. Survive, yes. But _live_?)

Caramelinda has always been the stronger of the two of them. Flames can be banked, can live on in embers. But ice? Ice shatters.

Cara takes advantage of her distraction to pull her in close. Wraps her arms around Lazuli and presses her face into her shoulder before pulling away and looking firmly into her eyes.

 _Tell me, Lazuli. Are you sure-_ absolutely _sure, that this is the only way. You are the Archmage; surely Candia is better off with your power at its disposal, if the country’s welfare is what you worry for. Is there no other path to the future you see? Or is this simply the most efficient?_

Lazuli stares into her wife’s eyes and knows if she says yes, Caramelinda will let her go. Not because she cares about the world- Caramelinda is good, and kind, but she would also let the world burn if it meant the people she cared about were safe. Caramelinda would let her go because she trusts Lazuli’s judgement.

Lazuli knows if she says yes, she would be lying.

_Would you risk the world for your life?_

_Would you be selfish for her?_

Yes. She would.

Lazuli doesn’t say anything but her body language speaks for her. Caramelinda’s grip on her wrists slackens and she falls into Lazuli’s shoulder again, and clings there. Her tears are quiet and muffled and _relieved_.

Already, Lazuli’s head aches with the changes she’s wrought. But there will be a time to analyze the course of the futures she sees, to sit at her desk and write until her hands cramp and Sir Theobald starts to respectfully tiptoe his way around telling her to _rest_.

For now, Lazuli holds her wife for another night, and can’t bring herself to regret it.

**Author's Note:**

> just,,, caramelinda and lazuli complementing each other and trusting each other and fighting for each other,,,,, Wives,,,,


End file.
